passion, restoration and podcasts

As is obvious by my total lack of posts recently, I have been slightly busy. Life with Crossings has been amazing, and Betsy and I are so happy. But it has also been an extreme change of pace for me. And 5 months in, I am still seeking some sort of rhythm to my week.

So while I may not have time to write something long and thought-provoking...I do have links to places that hopefully are:

Here is a link to a recent Christianity Today article about Louie Giglio and the Passion Conferences. As someone who goes back and forth between appreciative and cynical of Passion's influence on the Church...I found the article incredibly interesting.

Here is a link to The Restoration House's new blog. The Restoration House was started in 2005 by my friends Daniel and Mandy as: "transitional living quarters for single mothers emerging from public housing and/or referral programs" that seeks to "partner with other community organizations to provide counseling, life skills training, parent training, job training, transportation, etc." If you have never followed the link on my sidebar to their website, you really should. Here...I'll make it real easy for you - The Restoration House.

Finally, here is a link to Crossings new podcast. I don't really know how podcasts work. And I don't know if having one is hip or trendy. Actually, the combined knowledge Mark and I possess concerning podcasts is laughable. All we know is that it is a good resource for the people who help out with kids during our worship gathering, or for some other reason don't get to hear Mark's teaching on Sunday morning. If you want, you can check it out, subscribe, whatever.

So there you go, click away...and I wish you all safe surfing.

do i really want to?

I think the answer is no.

You maybe wondering what I am speaking of; what is it that I do not really want to do? Actually, the list is quite long:

Blog more.
Exercise more.
Eat better.
Get out of bed earlier.
Watch less TV.
Read more.
Pray more.
Study more.
Care less about my wants.
Care more about others’ needs.
Listen better.
Talk less.

Unfortunately, that is all just off the top of my head. I could go on, but I think you get the point. Understand, I really wish that this wasn’t the case. But the fact of the matter is, I do not want to do any of these things. I want to want to…

I want to want to blog more.
I want to want to exercise more.
I want to want to eat better.
I want to want to get out of bed earlier.
I want to want to watch less TV.
I want to want to read more.
I want to want to pray more.
I want to want to study more.
I want to want to care less about my wants.
I want to want to care more about others’ needs.
I want to want to listen better.
I want to want to talk less.

…but the truth is, I do not actually want to.

These are all tangible things; attainable things; things totally within my ability to control. Yet, I do not do them. The only logical explanation is that I do not really want to. I pray about wanting to. I talk about wanting to. I lie about wanting to…because in reality, I don’t want to.

If I really did want to, I would.

I read books by men like Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton, Jonathan Edwards, A.W. Tozer; men who knew incredible discipline. Men who were able structure their lives around what they knew was most important. I read their words and their stories, and I want to live like that. And for a moment, I think I really do want to.

But then this phrase…“That’s just not practical for me.”

Have you ever said that?

That is a lie. It is practical…I just don’t want to because I don’t want to have to sacrifice this or lose that. I don’t want to give up this or do less of that. It’s not a question of practicality. It is a question of dying to myself and most of the time…I don’t want to.

I know what Jesus said about only truly finding your life by losing it. I know it. And I want to want to believe it. I hope that someday I might…but I have to be honest and say that based upon the pattern of my life thus far, I don’t understand one iota of those words.

And apparently, I don’t want to.

God, help me. Give me a desire, a “want”, for You like I have never known. Place within me a deep understanding of what is important and what is not, and give me the strength and maturity to choose the better way. God, help us all to see and comprehend that every moment is a decisive moment where gaining and losing, death and life, are touching one another; that each time we choose one thing we choose not another; each time we gain one thing we lose another. God help us to choose, and even celebrate, our own ‘dying’ because we have learned from life that he who loses it can find it.

V for Sesame Street

Below is a video that I made to introduce the topic of our worship gathering this morning.

Mark was speaking about our need to "defeat the letter 'V'". As he was using it, 'V' refers to 'Versus'...as in:

-Grace V. Truth
-Principle V. People
-Emotional V. Practical
-Spiritual V. Physical

Instead of picking sides and choosing one over the other, Mark taught that we need to embrace "the paradox of 'and'", and walk the line between the two.

Okay, enough introduction...here you go:

two minutes

Monday night about 9:30, Betsy and I were driving home from Wal-Mart. She had been working out at the gym and I was at the library downtown. Unknowingly, we both stopped by Wal-Mart on our way home and bumped into each other.

We finished grocery shopping together, checked out and then left for home. Since I was voted the one to load the bags in my car...I was about two minutes behind her.

As I pulled out, my phone rang and it was Betsy. She apparently missed me greatly and wanted to talk on our way home. So we began to chat. Within a few minutes, the conversation turned into a heated discussion about the capabilities of airport x-ray machines.

Then, as I was turning on to the small two lane road that, in 5 miles, will lead to home, I heard Betsy scream, tires squeal and...then nothing. Her phone was dead.

I called her back...it went straight to voice mail. I called again, same thing.

Two minutes.

I came over a small hill and saw her car laying face down in a ditch. As I pulled off the side of the road, I had no idea what I was going to find inside. Another driver stopped and as we both got out, asked me, "Is someone in there?" (which, by the way, is an incredibly stupid question, "You know...I don't know, cause sometimes those darn things will just flip over all on their own, won't they?...here's your sign."). "Yes, some one is there...my wife."

I bent down, and looked into the front passenger side window and saw Betsy. Smiling. And waving.

Thankfully, she was wearing her seat belt. Had she not been...well, who knows. But she was and because of it, all she walked away with were some bumps, some bruises and the tiniest scratch I've ever seen on her forehead.

Those two minutes of my life were definitely not my favorite two minutes. She is incredibly sore and moving slowly, but she is okay and I am so glad.

I am also glad that our last conversation ever wasn't about airport x-ray machines.

Yesterday, we went to the wreckers to get all of her personal belongings out of the car. Geico declared the car totaled, wrote us a check and became the proud owners of a slightly used 2000 Pontiac Grand Am.

Here are some pics...

a race for the ages

"The stories in the Bible are not fairy tales like the the Velveteen Rabbit or Alice in Wonderland...they are real stories about real people in real places at real times."

That, while maybe not verbatim, is a quote from Mark's teaching yesterday.

Whenever I am reminded of the fact that the people in the Bible, and the people who penned the Bible, were real people...I always think of one of my favorite sections of Scripture that, I think, displays this perfectly.

It is the apostle John's account of the discovery Christ's empty tomb. Its found in John 20...I'll start in verse 3.

3) So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. 4) Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. 5) He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. 6) Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, 7) as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. 8) Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. 9) (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

Now, I want you to read that again. But before you do...keep a couple of things in mind: The "other disciple" mentioned is John (he never refers to himself by name in his gospel, he always uses vague, third person phrases like this). John and Peter were friends...and given Peter's big mouth and bigger personality, I'm sure his buddies loved whenever they got a chance to upstage him.

So read it again...and I'll emphasized a few a phrases:

3) So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. 4) Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. 5) He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. 6) Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, 7) as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. 8) Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. 9) (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

I just imagine that for years, John and Peter would be at parties or at dinner with friends and would tell this story and I just wonder if it would always end up going something like this:

John: "So I got there and saw the linens..."

Peter: (interrupting) "Well, I got there first. But, sorry, go ahead."

John: "Hold on. No you did not. I got there first, remember?"

Peter: "Yes, I do remember...I remember that I got there first.

John: "No, remember?..we heard the news and raced each other there...and I won. Remember?..I said it was because I loved Jesus more."

Peter: "Well, you were always saying that. But I won that race. I was always faster than you.?"

John: "Are you kidding me?! You could not out run me. I won that race. I can't believe you, you know that I got there before you did."

Peter: "You are always doing this, John. What...next are you going to say that you were the one who got out of the boat and walked on the water with Jesus?"

John: "Whatever. You know I got there first."

Peter: "Oh yeah, I remember now. Yeah...and you were the one who stood up for Jesus at Gethsemane and cut off that soldier's ear too, weren't you? Oh, okay...I remember now."

John: "You're a jerk. I will race you right now and prove that I can still out run you."

Peter: "Bring it on, fool."

On and on, the competition between the two friends grew over the years, but would only surface occasionally when the story came up. Then one day, John calls up Peter (I think Biblical scholars are pretty much in agreement that telephones did not exist in the first century...but just go with me):

John: "Peter. Hey this is John."

Peter: "Hello, old friend, how are you?"

John: "Pretty good. Pretty good. So, um...did you see the Gospel I just put out?"

Peter: "Yeah, I've thumbed through it a little, haven't had a chance to sit and read through it all yet. But its really good, John."

John: "Yeah? Thanks. Um...have you had a chance to thumb through the part where we discovered the empty tomb?"

Peter: (getting suspicious) "No...why?"

John: "Oh...you should. Skip to end the real quick and take a look. I think you are really going to like how I remember it."

Peter: (reading) "...okay...okay...what?...wait...what?...oh, come on..."

John: "Ha ha. How do you like that? I don't know, man...I think this book has got legs. I think its going to be around for a while."

Peter: "I can't believe you."

John: "You know what they say, Peter...history is written by the winners."

Peter: "Whatever. I won that race."

thanks moby

My friend Alan likes to read Moby's blog. I can't say that I share the same interest...but he read me a quote from it the other day and I really liked it. So I thought I would share it with all of you. It is from Andre Gide:

"You should always follow the one who seeks truth and run away from the one who has found it."

Isn't that a great quote? Thank you, Alan...and thank you, Moby.