Friday, June 09, 2006

move over, norris

I was planning on posting something new today. Little did I know that my work would be done for me as soon as I got online.

This is the story.

Because in life you have to have priorities, the first thing I do when I get to work everyday is check my 'myspace' page. I know...its pathetic. But at least that way I can get it out of the way and spend my day doing more productive things. Like blogging. Anyway, this morning I had a friend request from some guy named Ryne. I did not know this man. So, I went to his page and found out that he is 15 years old. In his profile picture, he is snuggling with a girl I recognized from the retreat I led worship for at Johnson Bible College this past spring. This girl had e-mailed me a couple months ago, requesting the chord charts to some of the songs on my CD. I sent them to her; she said thanks; end of story.

Until today.

I accepted Ryne's invitation, checked out his page and found that one of his blogs was entitled:

"When Bill Wolf plays Guitar EVERYBODY listens".

Understandably intrigued, I opened the blog to find that it was a list of "Random Bill Wolf Facts". Those of you who are familiar with "Random Chuck Norris Facts" can understand the sheer excitement and joy I experience upon this discovery. I don't know if this is good or bad. I don't know if this makes me a celebrity, or the butt of some youth's jokes. I don't know. And frankly, I don't care. Because I have a friggin list of Random Facts about me. In my book, that equals awesome.

Since Ryne is only 15, you have to be a friend to see his profile and read his blog. Otherwise, I would post a link to it and you could read it for yourself. Instead, I will copy and paste the list for you to read here. And you will have to trust me that I did not write these about myself. I know it is hard to believe...but this really isn't a joke. Here is the list. Enjoy.

1. When Bill Wolf plays guitar EVERYBODY listens.
2. Bill Wolf can play a guitar so fast only dogs can hear it.
3. Chuck Norris does have a weakness, Bill Wolf’s guitar.
4. Some mom's play music to there babies who are still in the womb to comfort them, Bill Wolf played music when he was in the womb to comfort his mom.
5. When Bill Wolf was a little kid he never played his hardest on guitar, so Jimi Hendrix wouldn't feel bad.
6. Bill Wolf can play the whole song Free Bird perfectly, in under thirty seconds.
7. When Bill Wolf plays an air guitar you can hear it.
8. If you have never heard of Bill Wolf it's because he doesn't want you to know who he is yet.
9. Bill Wolf's voice doesn't break glass, it breaks solid concrete walls.
10. Bill Wolf can sing above, and below the hearing spectrum.
11. Bill Wolf can make rain, with his hands.
12. When it's sunny outside Bill Wolf is playing a happy song; when it's gloomy he is playing a sad song; when Bill Wolf plays a mad song, Earthquakes happen.
13. Bill Wolf can play a guitar with his mind better than you can with your hands.
14. Bill Wolf's drummer can play drums, sing, write, read, browse the internet, and text message at the same time.
15. Bill Wolf knows which came first, the chicken or the egg.
16. Bill Wolf can mesmerize you with his guitar.
17. The qualifications to be in Bill Wolf's band include swimming the Atlantic Ocean, and being able to play atleast 30 instruments fluently.
18. Bill Wolf speaks the international language of rock.
19. Bill Wolf has written songs so amazing if he were to play them it would tear a whole in the fabric of the universe.
20. Bill Wolf's band plays even when the ship is sinking.
21. Bill Wolf's real name is so musical people couldn't stop singing it, so he changed his name to Bill.
22. Bill Wolf can play Mozart, with his armpits.
23. Bill Wolf has been known to play lead guitar with one hand, and Bass guitar with the other.
24. The keyboardist in Bill Wolf's band is the funniest man alive, period.
25. The keyboardist can make you laugh so hard that your heart actually stops.
26. Bill Wolf is better than you at everything, he just doesn't want you to feel bad.


Betsy said...

this guy is way off ;)

greg said...

If by "keyboardist" he means sometimes-fill-in-keyboardist-named-Greg, then he is exactly right.

This is about 1000 times cooler than anything that has yet happened to me.

Anonymous said...


Bill Wolf can fart Mozart.