Thursday, January 18, 2007

adam's role in the fall of man-ning

Since last March I have been having a re-occurring dream. Actually, it is a nightmare.

Last March…that is when the Indianapolis Colts signed Adam Vinatieri.

Now, I realize that I usually don’t blog about sports. But this dream has been haunting me and I need to share it.

First, let me preface this by saying that I can not remember a time in my whole life when I wanted someone to win something as bad as I want Peyton Manning to win the Super Bowl. For the last 4 years or so…I have been as big an Indianapolis Colts fan as I have been a Chicago Bears fan (that is saying quite a lot). And because of that, I have more than a healthy amount of hatred for the New England Patriots.

Okay, to the dream:

It’s the fourth quarter AFC Championship game (and again, I’ve been having this dream since March). Peyton and Tom Brady have gone back and forth and back and forth all game long. Both have 300+ yards. Both have multiple touchdowns. Neither has an interception.

With just under two minutes left in the game, Brady and the Patriots score a touchdown that puts them up by two points and then proceed to pin the Colts back inside their own 5 yard line. With only one time-out and the weight of the world…and his legacy…atop his shoulders, Peyton leads the Colts down the field in a career-defining drive.

They get down to the 10 yard line, take a knee to run the clock down and call a time-out with only one second left on the clock. Adam Vinatieri, known by all as the most clutch kicker in the history of the game, trots out on to the field. With a smile stretching ear to ear, Peyton nods to Tony Dungy as he walks off the field triumphant and forever vindicated of his “yeah, but he can’t win the big one” reputation.

All that is left is a chip shot, a sure thing from the foot of Vinatieri.

The Colts line-up, the ball is snapped. Hunter Smith, the Colts’ holder, catches the ball, spins it, and sets it perfectly in place.

Vinatieri approaches, plants his left foot, swings his right leg back and then…kicks Hunter Smith square in the gut, rips off his Colts #4 jersey to reveal a t-shirt underneath that says "I’ll always be a Patriot", runs to the New England sideline, high-fives Tedi Bruschi, hugs Tom Brady and jumps into the arms of Bill Belichick, ala Kerri Strug & Bela Karolyi.

Colts lose the game. And Peyton loses his soul.

I can’t shake this dream. And every time a commentator reminds us that “Vinatieri has never missed a field-goal in the RCA Dome”, the nightmare comes back.

Well, this weekend, as I’m sure you already know, the Colts and the Patriots meet in the AFC Championship game. And though the odds of this exact series of events taking place on Sunday evening are slim to none…you’re not laughing right now because you know its going to happen.

Bill Belichick is an evil genius, Peyton Manning is doomed and Adam Vinatieri is going to come through in the final seconds once again…for the Patriots.

You know its going to happen.


Going Weston said...

by god, it's just crazy enough to work...

The Anonymous Human said...

I will make a self-incriminating claim right now. I will forever give up my fifth amendment rights. If the afor-mentioned events take place, you can rest assured it will be me they arrest in the death of Adam Vinatieri. I will have pre-meditated and executed a perfect plan (except I will write in blue spray paint "Laces out ADAM!" across his headless body) that ends in the death of this kicker.

GO COLTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(by the way, if the colts lose, I'm going to kill myself. So, either way, get your goodbyes in now!)

betsy said...

well i hope it doesn't come to that...can i all of your animal print memorabilia if you decide suicide is the only option? candice can keep any animal printed under-roos though.

bill said...

wow. jake, you're emo when it comes to the colts.

The Anonymous Human said...

Yes, betsy, the leopard print lanyard, pillow, blanket, seat covers, sheets, stuffed animals, mat, shower curtain, pot holders, bathroom dishes, picture frames, curtains, mouse pad, pencil holder, pencils, pens, scarves, file holders, shelving, hammer, garage door opener, sushi plate, briefcase, plane neck pillow (you know, the one in the shape of a 'U'), uh, let's see, what else...oh yeah, the petrified leopard droppings encased in schlack. You might want to hang on to that last one. It'll be worth something someday.

betsy said...

SCORE!!!!!!!! thanks jake! you can leave candice with me too if you want...she's got a little jungle cat in her. or a lot.