Saturday, June 03, 2006

sorry ladies...

Gunnar Malstrom is officially OFF of the market.

For those of you who know Gunnar, yeah...that's right. He is be married. I know, I didn't see it coming either. Of course, with Gunnar there are a lot of things you don't see coming.

For those of you who don't know Gunnar, let me catch you up. In honor of this exciting news, I will post a "Top 10 List of Crazy Gunnar Facts".

Here you go:

10. Gunnar is obsessed with "Top 10" lists. He spent large portion of his time in college creating them during class. I think that might be why it took him 7 years to graduate. I don't know, though. My favorite "Top 10" list: "Top 10 Gunnars of All Time". Among others, it included one of the Swedish kids from Mighty Ducks 2, as well as Gunnar Nelson. I'm sure you can guess who was #1.

9. Gunnar's real first name...on his birth "Gunnar". It is not a nickname. His parents were watching Mission Impossible (the TV show) way back in the day and on that particular episode, one of the villains was named "Gunnar Malstrom". They were so excited that they promised eachother they would name their first born son "Gunnar". Well, they did. And gave him the middle name "Oscar" to boot, ensuring that he wouldn't grow up and choose to go by his middle name instead.

8. Gunnar has tried repeatedly to set-up his mother with 80's wrestling icon Mr. Fuji. Its true. We both worked with Mr. Fuji at a movie theatre while in college. He would buy us dinner and tell us stories from his life in the WWF. And while I was never really anything more than just "Hot Dog Boy" to Mr. Fuji (that was his nickname for me based on my usual choice of dinner), he and Gunnar became good friends. And to this day, Gunnar is still trying to convince him to marry his mother.

7. Gunnar almost fell asleep while streaking. He, our friend Jake, and another rather handsome individual (who will remain nameless) decided it would be fun to run around the campus of our Bible College in the middle of the night wearing nothing but ski-mask and tennis shoes. The rule: every man for himself. No one was hanging back to keep pace with a slower runner. This was a sprint. Gunnar, not being the swiftest of foot, lagged behind and lost sight of the other two. He saw headlights and darted for a bush. Scared of being caught in such a vulnerable position, he remained hidden for some time...that is until he began nodding off. Fearing he would fall asleep and be found in the morning, sprawled all over the sidewalk, he bravely trekked back through the parking lot and into his dorm room window.

6. Gunnar swears he invented the "7 Degrees" game. Only he didn't play it using Kevin Bacon. He played it with Denis Lawson. "Who?", you might ask. He is the actor that played "Wedge" in Star Wars, which happened to be Gunnar's favorite character. Never heard of him? Yeah, Gunnar has a favorite of everything, and it is usually something you've never heard of. But, he has played that game as long as I have known him and I have never seen him stumped. He even traced me back to Denis Lawson one time. I don't remember how, though.

5. Gunnar has been in 5 different bands that never played a single show. Despite having posters, websites, CDs, music videos, and even a small number of fans..."Gunnar and the Pistols", "Merlin's Dream", "The Other Side of Normal", "Pleasing Aroma", and "Homage" all broke-up before having ever played a show. "Homage", the band he played with while still in highschool, did have a catchy slogan though, "5 Guys, 4 Seniors, 3 Wrestlers, 2 Kens, 1 Eyebrow and 0 talent" (the band consisted of Gunnar, his two friends named Ken, and a couple of teammates from the wrestling team, one of which had a unabrow).

4. Gunnar has been pulled over for drunk-driving without having so much as an ounce of alcohol in his system...TWICE. Needless to say, we didn't let Gunnar drive on road trips often.

3. Gunnar was deeply saddened by the death of Christopher Reeves. And not because he was a fan of his "Superman" movies, but because he is a stand-up comedian and some of his best jokes were about Christopher Reeves being in a wheel-chair. Off-color? Yes...but hilarious. They just didn't get the same response, though, after his passing.

2. Gunnar's dirty underwear once caught on fire during a church service. Planning on doing laundry after church, Gunnar had a trunk full of dirty clothes. The light in his trunk had fallen and was hanging loose. Laying atop the mound of dirty laundry, it eventually caught fire. As church got out, the congregation walked outside to the sight of a car with smoke billowing from its trunk. One of the elders ran to the scene, pried the trunk open, and began flinging Gunnar's flaming, dirty underwear all over the church parking lot. That church has yet to regain its identity.

1. Gunnar is an good and incredibly loyal friend, who deserves to be happy and in love. So with that said, I want to extend to him a deep and heartfelt, "Omega Co-ooooode"!!! (I don't know why, but that has been Gunnar's chosen expression of excitement ever since that Casper Van Deen movie came out 7 years ago. I'm serious.)


Anonymous said...

that list is unbelievable... like, almost seems to bizarre to all be about the same person... and yet, the Gunnar abides.

My favorite Gunnar memory was the time I was coming to JBC to see somebody at the dorms (not Gunnar) and as I walked into the hallway, there he was... completely nude on a razor scooter.

I been washin' my eyes ever since and they won't come clean.

- Greg

The Anonymous Human said...

My favorite Gunnar momment also occured at JBC and involved Gunnar being nude. There was also a two by four involved, but we'll just leave it at that.

Congrats Gunnar.

Betsy said...

what would life be like without him? thanks, gun, for all the good times and the date you tricked me into one time.

Anonymous said...

Although I have only met Gunnar a few times, I do want to tell one funny story about him. It was when he came to Indiana for Bill's wedding. The funny thing is that we went to pick him up at the airport and he had absolutely nothing in his hands. He left his house for the weekend and got on a plane without a suitcase or bag of any kind! Who does that! In fact, he was wearing mesh shorts and a cutoff Pistons t-shirt. We then proceeded to Wal-Mart where we bought him a whole new wardrobe for probably $30. Funny stuff.


Betsy said...

you really should also have mentioned the brown sandals-the sandals that never say die