Wednesday, January 04, 2006

behold my weary soul

(listen to this song at www.myspace.com/billwolfworship)

Behold, my weary soul
Rest your searching eyes
in the King's betrothing heart alone
Your glory You will find

Behold and know that You are greatly desired
Yes, You are desired ... my soul is singing

Hallelujah, glory to You, God ... my soul is singing
Hallelujah, glory to You, God
Heaven touches earth
and my soul feels its worth
Hallelujah, glory to You, God

Behold, my weary soul
Loosen thy hands' grasp
Of the fleeting praise of earthly kings
and cling to what will last

Behold and know that You are greatly desired
Yes, You are desired ... my soul is singing

Hallelujah, glory to You, God ... my soul is singing
Hallelujah, glory to You, God
Heaven touches earth
and my soul feels its worth
Hallelujah, glory to You, God


I wrote this song almost exactly one year ago. One of the interesting parts of songwriting is the strange combination of bits and pieces taken from books, songs, prayers, conversations, bible studies, etc. that stir around inside your head or heart for awhile and eventually pour out and take shape as a song. Matt Redman calls them "the seeds of songwriting" (I suggest reading that again, only this time out loud and with your best British accent...its fun). With 'Behold My Weary Soul' there were two main influences: Donald Miller's 'Searching for God Knows What' and the Christmas carol 'O Holy Night'.

I am a part of a book club that meets every Tuesday morning at a Panera Bread in town, and through November and December of 2004 we were reading Miller's 'Searching for God Knows What'. If you have not read this book, you really should...its excellent. I personally think it is a much better book than 'Blue Like Jazz', even though I loved that book as well. The book explores the idea that we were all made to know and be known fully by our God. We were made so that every ounce of our identity and self-worth would come from that relationship and only from that relationship. However, man sinned and that relationship was broken and torn apart. And since then, every person ever born has been on a journey to seek out, earn and receive their glory and honor from anything or anyone that is willing to offer it. It is an interesting concept and the Truth of it pierced right to my heart. So much of my life has been spent trying to impress other people. The way I dress, the way I talk, the people I hang out with, everything...it is all aimed at gaining the respect and adoration of anyone I come in contact with. It is an endless and tiring affair, but my soul has a need to know it is worth something. When I'm putting together a worship service, many times I've thought, "People will think I am hip and cool if I do this song". Even when I'm praying there have been those moments when my mind begins wondering if everyone else is amazed at my incredible depth and spirituality. It is so sad, but it is so true. Miller's book highlighted and addressed so many of my darkest areas.

While reading 'Searching For God Knows What' and discussing all of these issues, I was also planning and putting together our Christmas services at church. I was reading the lyrics to some of the songs when I came across this line from 'O Holy Night':

"Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth."

What beautiful words. The picture became clear to me. Christ's incarnation is like a man getting down on one knee and asking his loved one for her hand in marriage. Now, I'm not a woman but I do know a lot of them, and the beauty of that sacred moment is that the woman finally knows she is valued and honored and loved. She knows she is worth something to someone. Christ's life, death, burial and resurrection carries with it the same weight for us only infinitely more meaningful. Because we did nothing to earn it and can do nothing to lose it. Our God made Himself low and held out His hand and is now longing for us to accept His proposal. That is why I used the word 'betrothing' in the first verse. Our God and King longs to be engaged, betrothed, united with us. And it is only in that union, which is the restoration of the original relationship, that our lasting glory and worth will be found.

So this song was my way of reminding my soul that it is valued, it is worth something to someone. The wearying pursuit can end. Hallelujah and Glory to God.

2 comments:

Dustin said...

i like Searching for God Knows What better as well. you're right about that biatch.

Betsy said...

yur speshul bee-yull.