a.w. tozer

'The Pursuit of God' was one of those books for me.

You know, those books...the ones that you read at just the right time, at just the right place in your life. The ones that say everything you have always believed, but have not yet thought. The ones that resound so deeply within you that you can't help but look away after reading every passage, shake your head and say "Wow".

You know, those books...the ones that you immediately tell all your family and friends to read and then get offended when they don't finish.

'The Pursuit of God' was definately one of those books. And so it sits in its rightful place on the top shelf of my book case, along side every other one of those books that I have read.

About two-years ago, I came across this website. It archives thousands of audio files of sermons given by the greatest preachers of the last century. I found and downloaded two complete sermon series (each one containing 10+ sermons) given by Tozer on the topic of worship in the church. Now, given that these sermons were recorded in the late 50's and early 60's...the sound quality leaves much to be desired. They can be near impossible to understand at times and require a good measure of concentration while listening. But with that said...oh my goodness, are they amazing.

The things this man studied and understood and taught are so timeless and so true.

Recently, I have been reading another book by Tozer, 'The Knowledge of the Holy'. It is pretty heavy, not so much in stature but in theology...its definately not a quick read.

In it, I came across this and thought I would share it with you:

"To be right we must think worthily of God. It is morally imperative that we purge from our minds all ignoble concepts of the Deity and let Him be the God in our minds that He is in His universe. The Christian religion has to do with God and man, but its focal point is God, not man...That God exists for Himself and man for the glory of God is the emphatic teaching of the Bible. The high honor of God is first in heaven as it must yet be on earth."

"...let Him be the God in our minds that He is in His universe"

Wow.

Proverbs 9:10

and...i am back

Whew. The trip out west is done and it was amazing. It was hilarious and scary and frustrating and wonderful. I'm glad we were taken along for the journey. And I can not imagine having more fun with any other group of guys. We laughed a lot and bonded a lot...probably more than is healthy. But hey, 60+ hours in a car together and walls break down.

There is too much to share here, and I realize that this is all that I have posted about recently. So I won't go into any more detail. But I will say that the whole trip truly was a blessing.

I do kind of feel the need to admit something to you, though. I don't really know what the purpose of the trip was. I mean, I sold some CDs...which is good, and I know that every church we visited really enjoyed us and wants to have us back sometime...and thats good, too. But I believe there was a greater purpose for us having traveled so far to join these specific churches in their ministries.

And I believe it is a purpose that is not our own.

I believe God had a purpose in birthing this idea somewhere inside of me last September. I believe He had a purpose in bringing it all to fruition. I believe He had a purpose in closing some very obvious doors and opening ones that I would never have thought of entering...and others that I didn't even know existed. And I believe His purpose had everything to do with bringing Himself glory and honor and praise.

That is all I know: that He had a purpose. I know that. I believe that. However, I honestly have no clue what it may have been. His purposes are above and beyond me. They are eternal. All that my mind can comprehend is the temporal. Sometimes God does reveal pieces of His purpose to us and we are blessed to recieve such glimpses. But a lot of times He simply says, "Go. Do. And trust Me."

Now, we can ask why...and we should ask why. But we can not always expect a clear and direct answer. Because God knows how unable we are to handle the complexities of Him and His ways. And really, I think God probably cares a lot less about our questions and answers than we do. I think what He really enjoys is our asking, our seeking, our acknowleging that He knows and we don't...that He is the Provider and we are the providees...that He is the all-powerful God of the universe and we are His children. That glorifies God as God. And it humbles us.

And from that position, when all parties are in the proper place, God is fully able to rightly bless us...and bless the world through us...all to His glory.

So, what was the trip all about? Yeah, I don't know. But I certainly praise God for it.

vegas baby, vegas

After playing the last two nights here in Vegas, we are leading worship this morning at Canyon Ridge Christian Church and then hitting the road. The trip will take somewhere around 30hrs. Yeah, it'll be long.

The Vegas leg, which is the final leg, has been a blast. I've gotten to see a lot of my old friends and the guys have had a chance to see Vegas in all its beauty. Hoover Dam, the Strip, In&Out...all the important stuff.

One really fun aspect of the trip is that we picked up some kind of stomache virus or something in Colorado...so since Tuesday at least one person has been sick everyday. We even got Jake and Candice Keck throwing-up. Sorry guys. So, since Colorado, we haven't played once with full confidence that we were all going to make it through the night without puking all over ourselves. It's added a whole new excitement to leading worship.

Sorry this is short. I need to hit the road and get to Canyon for this morning's service. I'm sad to see the trip end...but I'll be happy to get home and see my wife.

orange county, ca

Last night we led worship at Eastside Christian Church in Fullerton, CA. If you don't know where that is...its right outside Los Angelos in the O.C. It was an interesting night considering 3 out of the 5 of us on stage where as sick as dogs. Jake (drums), Nate (bass), and Taylor (keys) all were pasty white and sweaty, with gross stuff coming out of both ends. Not pretty. But they sucked it up and played amazingly.

Eastside is a very cool church. One of the two guys that started XXXchurch was a youth minister there before he left to fight porn. They host things like 'Battle of the Bands' for the local highschools and are very active in the community. They have a very large youth group made up of a mix of skaters and emo kids. It was definately a culture shift from East Tennessee.

We felt a little out of place, but despite our differences in appearance...we all joined together and went after the heart of God as one body and one voice. These kids blew me away. They were so passionate and so authentic. It was surely not the strongest we've played, technically speaking (I think the fact that over half of the guys on stage were near death had a lot to do with that). But the energy in the room was palpable. God overcame our weakness and showed Himself strong. And He was worshipped and glorified.

It was a blessed night.

We are now in Las Vegas. The House Church concert got moved from Wednesday night to tonight. So we are going to grab a bite to eat at Baja Fresh, maybe hit the Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace and then run through stuff for tonight. I'll have lots to post about from our time here in Vegas. I'll try and post something tomorrow night after we play at Canyon Ridge Christian Church. But with the neon lights of the strip beckoning sweetly...I can't make any promises.

oh, i almost forgot

So I got pulled over on the way to Colorado. I was a half-hour outside Denver and got pulled over for going 83mph in a 75mph zone. 83 in a 75, are you kidding me? That's only 8 miles over the speed! And in a 75mph zone!

For those of you counting, that is equivalent to getting pulled over for going 28mph in a 25mph zone. Or 50 in a 45. Talk about unnecessary.

I guess the police officer was a bit over-zealous or just in the mood to tick some one off.

Well, not much I can do except whine. Its not like I'm going to make the trip back out here to appeal it. Oh well.

Thank you Mr. Police Officer.

a note from snowy colorado

As I am typing right now, snow is falling and adding to the 4-5 inches that already covers the ground. Denver, Co...you've gotta love it.

Well, after a 21 hour drive that started at 9:30 PM on Friday...we arrived safely Saturday afternoon. We took showers and brushed our teeth (both very necessary activities at the time, trust me), then jumped on the Light-Rail and headed down-town for the night. We ate at 'Toyko Joes' (one of my favorite restaurants), and hit Starbucks and Virgin Records. We then returned home and passed out.

You know you sleep hard when you wake up in the exact same position in which you fell asleep.

Yesterday morning we got up and went to church at Mountainview Community Christian Church. I did an internship there two-years ago and it was a blast seeing so many old friends. It is such a blessing to see that church doing well.

We then grabbed lunch and headed back to the church to set up for our worship service that night. About 100 high school students packed in and we started the night. Everything went really, really well.

The only weird part of the night was that one of the youth sponsors gave a short devo when we were done and talked about the passage in Matthew 9, where Jesus heals the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. I've heard devos and sermons on this passage before...but I've never heard the speaker go into such a in-depth description of the type of bleeding the woman was subject to. It was like sex-ed class. And even then they separate the girls from the boys when discussing..."that". Whew. I have always thought that a quick, vague explanation is sufficient and appropriate. Apparently, Dan thought otherwise.

It was an awkward and uncomfortable moment had by all.

Well, today we are going to challenge the snow and venture out to 'Red Robin' for lunch. I'm not coming to Denver and missing the opportunity to eat there. We'll then head to church and get ready to do it all over again tonight.

I hope tonight Dan speaks from Psalm 139:13 and teaches us where babies come from.

go west young man

(As absolutely pathetic as this makes me, I feel that I must make a confession to you: that title-line is the second time I have quoted Michael W. Smith this week. Two MWS quotes in one week. Please forgive me. I know that my "street cred" is really going to take a hit by admitting that. But there is no reason to hide the truth. I will simply apologize and ask you to not judge me too harshly.)

So...come this Friday, I will be putting the car in drive and heading off into the sunset. I have been given the opportunity to lead worship and share some of my music with various churches out west.

Denver, CO this weekend; Vegas next weekend and a little So-Cal in between.

Six shows in eight nights. Almost 5,000 miles round trip. I'd call it my West Coast Tour, but that would just make me sound like the type of guy that would quote Michael W. Smith all the time. And I don't want that. Oh...wait.

Well...Despite being forced into making some last minute band adjustments, I could not be more excited for this trip. The guys coming along and playing with me are some of my best friends: Jake on drums, Nate Mac on bass, Blake on electric, Taylor on keys and Matt running sound. This is a special and talented group of guys. Every one of them can sing well and play a variety of instruments. Every one of them is easy-going and a blast to hang out with. And the best part, every one of them is a worship leader. Every single one of them. There is not one guy who will be up there showboating. There is not one guy who will be trying to impress or wow. There is not one guy who...who wants the attention for himself. It is about Christ increasing as we decrease. They get that. And that truly makes all the difference in the world.

I do want to mention, however, that I am not sure how this trip will affect my blogging abilities for the next week and a half. My intent is to post from each leg of the journey and keep you all updated. That is my hope, but I don't know if it will be possible. I will try, though.

But anyway...pray for us as we drive literally cross-country and back.

And pray for me, as I am:

"Looking for a reason, roaming through the night to find my place in this world...my place in this world." Man...somebody really cool once said that, but I just can't remember who.

giants of faith

Through out history, the church has always had her celebrities. She has always had men (and more recently women) who have stuck-out, head and shoulders, above the rest of the pack. Men, of whom, she can look back on centuries later and call her “Giants of Faith”.

Paul, Augustine, Luther, Wesley, Spurgeon, Tozer, Lewis, etc.

The list is long and its credentials debatable. But as long as the church has existed, there have been at least one or two men who have stirred and inspired, studied and taught. We followers of Christ are a strange hodge-podge of broken and sinful people; people who can turn a ladies luncheon into an angry mob in an instant.

The church desperately needs God-fearing leaders to help her in journey through history.

But I am noticing a very dangerous trend that has come about in the last 30 years. Our contemporary “Giants of Faith” are no longer men who are known for their zeal and boldness, or for their rigorous spiritual disciplines and profound biblical insight. No, our current batch of celebrities is a group men and women who are known for their keen marketing sense and fortune cookie philosophies. Their pretty words fall like drops of honey on our ears. And we follow. They have earned their place, center-stage, not by standing firm in the face of persecution or agonizingly producing volumes upon volumes of scriptural commentaries by hand. No, they have drawn their attention with big smiles and bigger buildings. They are talented, clever and shrewd. Certainly, these men and women would have been every bit as successful in the business world should they have chosen that route.

What happened to the individuals who simply did not fit the world’s mold and thus shaped ours? What happened to the leaders who were more comfortable kneeling in the dark than standing in the spotlight? What happened to the ones who gave us steak, and not candy? What happened? Where are they?

Well, they are out there. Rest assured, they are out there. The church is always desperate...but her God is always faithful. Our true “Giants of Faith” are indeed out there and they are leading the way. But you are not going to find them on highway billboards or cable TV. No, they are too busy for all of that. But eventually, when the lights have dimmed and the smoke dispersed, the church will look back, and she’ll know.

travis: two tales

I have a friend named Travis.

Travis has made a lot of bad decisions in his life. And he has a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. True story: at church there was a married couple who had been trying and failing to get pregnant for years. They finally did and the first time they brought their beautiful new-born baby to church…as everyone was hovering over the babyseat ooh-ing and ahh-ing and as the proud parents beamed with joy…Travis, in all sincerity, asked, “What if it dies?” The room immediately went silent and every head snapped around to glare at him with disgust and disapproval.

That is Travis.

But despite his apparent case of mild social retardation, every once in awhile Travis will floor you by saying something so deep and so profound that it reminds you just how good of a man he really is. Obviously, having been friends will him for over a decade, I have many examples. But I want to share just two with you now:

ONE:
We were in high school and on a ski retreat with our youth group. There were 50 or so 9th-12th graders crammed into the lobby of one of the cabins, trying to sit in the closest thing we could make to a circle. The game: “Boundary Breakers”. I know that those of you who have spent any amount of time in or around any kind of Youth Ministry know what “Boundary Breakers” is. But in case anyone is unfamiliar with it, the premise is easy. A question is asked (“What is your favorite flavor of ice-cream?”; “What do you want your epitaph to say?”; “If you could meet any person from any place or any time in history, who would it be?”) and everyone has to answer. It is simple. And it is annoying.

The question was asked, “What is the color of love?” I think a girl came up with that one. Most people said something to the tune of, “Umm, red. Cause of like…hearts and stuff.” Some people said their favorite color. The depressed kid said, “Black”. The dorky upperclassman who always tries to be funny said, “Green. Cause I love money.” The overly spiritual girl said, “Red. Because that is the color of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ’s blood, of which the Holy Scriptures testify was shed on the cross at Calvary to save everyone of us from our sins and to give us the gift of eternal life. Amen.”

But Travis…oh Travis…when it came around to be his turn, he looked pensively into the distance, inhaled slowly, and said these words, “I don’t know…you know. I guess I think the color of love is that indescribable color of the sunset. You know that mixture of oranges and reds and purples and pinks. You can’t explain it, but you know it’s beautiful.”

Every girl in the room melted.

And every guy was kicking himself for not thinking up a better answer than “Red”.

Come on. This was a goofy 14 year old kid who biggest claims to fame were shrink-wrapping himself to stuff and a dead-on impersonation of a ticked-off bear. Where did that come from? And the most amazing thing is that he wasn’t trying to impress anybody or sound profound. He just meant it. For that 14 year old kid, in that moment, the color of love really was the indescribably beautiful color of the sunset.

Unbelievable.

But that is Travis.

TWO:
I have recently been struggling with worrying that I am just one more guy who plays guitar and writes songs and thinks that qualifies him for superstardom. I have written about that here, so I won’t bore you all with anymore of my self-absorbed babble. Anyway, I had shared with Travis in an e-mail how I didn’t want to be “that guy”, but feared, in reality, that that was in fact the case. In his e-mail back he responded to me with these words:

Speaking of what your doing....I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with being "that guy". It's commendable. I mean....you'll never be "that guy". I don't think there really is a "that guy" except for the goobers. You are just a guy that writes songs that wants them to be heard. It just so happens that others want that too. And that's cool....more music out there. Anyway, that's my 1 cent. Some might disagree...but I think those are the ones that want to do it but are too scared.

I don’t know how all that sounded to you, but those words nearly knocked me out of my chair when I read them. It is short, but it is sweet. And it resounded as truth in my soul. I needed to hear that. And somewhere out of the depths of his heart (probably right next to his admiration of sunsets) he spoke wisdom into my life.

Travis is a good friend. He has known higher highs and lower lows in his life than most of us ever will. Because he is unafraid failure, unafraid of being wrong. He is missing the link that says, “Wait a minute…what will other people think if I say this?” He just says what he means. Sometimes that gets him into trouble…like when he audibly contemplates the life expectancy of a new-born baby. But at least he is real. Good or bad, the guy is real.

And I envy that about Travis.

comment post

Recently, I was reading an article from a website that I frequent. The article was titled ‘Undignified’, and was about the lack of celebration in most Sunday morning worship services.

This comment was posted in response to that article:

I am not someone who particularly gets into worship through singing. I don't believe that that's the only act of worship, and I don't really enjoy it too much, and so to be quite honest, a lot of the time it is just half-heartedly humoring the worship band or singing along to pass the time for me. I get really excited about the other ways to worship God (talking about Him, reading the Word, doing things for others, etc.--there are millions). I think it's really unfortunate that the modern church has pigeonholed worship into meaning singing songs on Sunday morning and then not understanding when everyone doesn't operate that way.

Now to this person’s credit, the article was narrow-minded, immature and not at all biblically founded. Frankly, I don’t know why the site published it. But, in my opinion, this person’s comment was just as shallow and just as false.

So I commented:

In response to the last comment…I believe what is truly “unfortunate” is that some people miss the opportunity to join their local church family, as one voice and one heart, in expressing their collective adoration and devotion to God… which, by the way, greatly pleases Him and greatly transforms us…just because they don’t enjoy singing. What has been pigeonholed is your view of “singing songs on Sunday morning”. It isn’t about the music or the melody. And it most certainly isn’t about the physical act of singing a song.

Allow me to tell you about a man at my church. He is a hardworking, blue-collar man who sincerely does not enjoy music of any kind, period. He owns no CDs, he listens solely to talk radio, and he swears he has never sung a single note in his entire life. Yet, on Sunday mornings he joins God’s eternal song of praise. How? Well, he doesn’t utter a sound…but he does wrap his heart around the profound truths of the songs that the rest of us are singing.

And he worships…passionately.

And I believe that blesses God. I know it blesses that man. Compare that to someone who doesn’t “get into” worship through singing, so they instead “half-heartedly humor the worship band” or simply “pass the time”. What do you think most pleases God? Someone who hates singing, yet worships anyway, because he knows that God is worthy of our praise in every moment of every day despite our likes or dislikes? Or someone who selfishly denies God the true praise He is due because they don’t enjoy singing?

Don’t sing…I don’t care. But don’t miss the opportunity to bless the heart of God through collective worship with your local congregation. I agree that a our worship better never be confined to the songs we sing on Sunday mornings, but I would question greatly the worship of anyone who has the opportunity to expresses their praise to their God, yet chooses instead to withhold their worship until they are able to express it in a manner more in line with what pleases them.

oscar thoughts

I know, I know...lots of blogs will talk about their thoughts on the 78th Academy Awards...so I won't be too exhaustive. But after wanting to punch myself repeatedly in the face after watching the Critic's Choice Awards, the Golden Globes and (the absolute most retarded award show on the planet) the People's Choice Awards (can we just be honest? people mostly choose crap...why award that?)...I must admit that I was pleasantly suprised at how much I enjoyed last night's show.

I mean, yes...there were way too many montages (seriously, a montage of "epics"?). And there were more awards that I couldn't care less about, than ones I was interested in. But over all...it was a very entertaining show. I actually found myself laughing out loud at a number of jokes. The campaign videos were really funny, and Jon Stewart was hilarious...certainly better than Chris Rock. I usually can't stand Stewart on the Daily Show...he is just way too political for my taste...but last night, he was everything I used to enjoy about him. I missed the Ben Stiller part, but laughed when my wife told me about it.

My thoughts on the awards themselves: I didn't care who won for director, picture, screenplays, or anything technical...so I won't bother with them.

Philip Seymour Hoffman - Great. Thanks to stinking Jamie Foxx, we all knew Joaquin wasn't going to win. So I'm glad he did.

Reese Witherspoon - Wonderful. It made me very happy and my wife literally cry tears of joy.

George Clooney - Umm...whatever...the guy has enough people kissing his butt. I was actually rooting against him all night.

Rachel Weisz - Yeah, I didn't see the movie. But I loved 'About a Boy' and she was in that.

Its Hard Out There for a Pimp - I liked the 'Brokeback Mountain' song better, but this song winning made for a lot of funny jokes...so I can't complain.

Overall...far and way, what made me most happy was that (correct me if I am wrong) the name 'George W. Bush' was not mentioned all night long. I get so tired of hearing what uneducated movie stars have to say about politics and I thought for sure, with Jon Stewart hosting and the topics of the movies being awarded, that this year would be horrible. So the fact that it was so politically neutral (for the most part) made me very happy and allowed me to actually enjoy the show. Well, that and the fact that not once did I see anybody with the last name 'Simpson'.

you are right

You are right.

I am.

I am everything your stares tell me I am. I am deserving of the sting of your silence and I accept the fate of your whispers. You have tarred and feathered me with your dirty looks. I have no need to wear a large “A” on my chest, for you know who I am. I am the witch. And you are my jurors.

You are right. I am not the man I claim to be. I claim to be a follower and lover of Christ. I claim to a person devoted to pleasing God and helping others in their search to find Him. But I am not the man I claim to be. I am a sinner and not worthy to be called God’s beloved. I do what I do not want to do. I choose to sin daily. Hell, sin is a part of my lifestyle. I do not live up to the love I have received from the God whose name I claim. I fall short…and I am worthy only of death.

You are right. How dare I even attempt to fit my feet inside of the shoes Christ has given me to fill? These are beautiful shoes meant for beautiful feet. These shoes are sacred and holy, and they are dangerous, even deadly, when worn by the wrong man. How dare I defile them? These shoes are meant for the godly, not for the sinful.

You are right. You are right about everything you despise in me. I am the sinner you have pegged me to be.

You are right.

But if you don’t mind, please don’t light the fire under me. Please, I plead with you. If you would, untie my hands and take me off of this stake, because I would like to keep trying.

You are right, but don’t forget…I am still loved.

We are equally in need of the same grace and equally undeserving. We are equally to blame for the death of our Lord. You must remember that. We are both guilty, and both forgiven. We, both, have only one hope and it certainly is not our moral uprightness. We, both, have only one hope.

We are brothers, you and I. So…if you would allow me to, I would like to keep trying to do the best I can, knowing all I can really do is to cling to the grace that is freely given.

So please take me down off this stake and let me go.

And you are welcome to come along too if you’d like...and we could go about this journey together.

o joy of joys

As you can see, my site has changed a bit. I finally figured out how to get a list of my favorite blogs in the sidebar, as well as links to my other sites. Actually, it is an out-right lie for me to say that I figured it out. All I figured out was that my buddy Greg (www.gregadkinsmusic.com) knows a heck of a lot more about html than I do. So I went over to his house and he did the rest. Thank you, Greg.

The absolute most exciting thing that he did for my site, though, was to set it up so I could sell my CDs here. This makes me giggle and blush like a giddy school girl. Oh joy.

See, in a perfect world, I would be able to sell my CDs on my official site. But...alas, this is not a perfect world we live in. No, this is a world where web-designers slip on patches of ice walking out of their apartments and land on their laptops. That is what happened to Wes, the fellow designing my website, and now Apple has his computer for the next two to four weeks. Now, this is much more unfortunate and inconvenient for Wes than for myself...so I shouldn't have whined. But I did.

Well, I no longer have any reason to pout. I can sell my CDs here and on my official site whenever Apple decides to give Wes his computer back. So, for all of you who were pondering the possibility of purchasing a copy of my CD...now you can.

And I think you should.

real live preacher

If you have never read anything by the Real Live Preacher, you really should. He is absolutely excellent. Here is a link to one of his recent articles.

http://www.reallivepreacher.com/node/696

Take a look at his archives section, too. Start at the bottom and work your way to the top. There is a lot of meat in there. Well, I hope you enjoy.